[the guilt that floods him as tim talks himself through the stages - denial and grief, at least, in some modicum - yeah, that hurts hawk too. but he's got at least a decade's worth of defense mechanisms and carefully curated masking to protect himself with, to never once let it slip that he's anything but the confused professor with a happenstance run-in with his student. like he hasn't seen tim knuckle-deep in his own asshole, wanton moaning filling what he now realizes must be his dorm room (the music, of course - ) and begging for hawk's hand to be the one edging him closer and closer to the toe-curling release of at least one orgasm, if not more. for all intents and purposes, he's been sexting with tim laughlin all semester long. fucking his student in everything but the flesh - the one line he'd never cross. sure, there have been a pretty face every once in awhile that have caught his attention in passing. a poignant essay here, a surprisingly nuanced comment in class there. but even there tim stands a head above the rest - truly, his favorite in all things. body, mind, and -
kill it. now. don't you dare finish that thought.
hawk takes off his sunglasses again, wanting to wholly impart his "sincerity" to tim. his voice lowers too, and he leans in enough to show some discretion and avoid any passerby from overhearing on the off chance they care. thank god they still don't, because he's keenly aware that if it was anyone but strangers off campus...it might be a much different story.]
Is this - "Skippy" - a friend of yours? Have you met them before or was this -
[he points to tim's phone, then back to tim as if he's trying to piece together something, like some incompetent boomer trying to open a fucking pdf.]
An online date?
[he shakes his head, stepping back and putting up a hand as if in surrender.]
You know what - nevermind, it's really none of my business. I'm sure the last thing you want is me razzing you during your time off.
[hawk offers a conspiratorial smirk, again ignoring the churning in his gut and the uncontrollable urge radiating through his fingers to brush down his hair from the mop it's turned into, strands swaying lightly in the chilly air around them. tim's expression is nothing short of crushed, eyes wide and glassy from both the icy atmosphere and the cold rebuff from hawk, maybe, and what he wouldn't do to smooth away the furrow of his brows with a soft brush of thumb, a kiss to the temple. a muscle in his jaw flexes tightly again, even as he offers a playful nudge to the shoulder of his student in understanding.]
We're all a little worn out. Don't worry about it.
[his eyes soften again as he desperately tries to suppressing the crushing sensation that feels like it's squeezing around his chest, the very real moment sinking in that he's letting down Skippy - Tim - his boy the most gentle way he possibly can and escaping from this whole fucking mess. this lesson should have been hard earned years ago, and somehow he still - ]
Enjoy your break, Laughlin.
[he turns to get back on the path of the sidewalk, stopping again like he can't quite help himself before angling his head to the side and calling over his shoulder.]
toot toot bitch
kill it. now. don't you dare finish that thought.
hawk takes off his sunglasses again, wanting to wholly impart his "sincerity" to tim. his voice lowers too, and he leans in enough to show some discretion and avoid any passerby from overhearing on the off chance they care. thank god they still don't, because he's keenly aware that if it was anyone but strangers off campus...it might be a much different story.]
Is this - "Skippy" - a friend of yours? Have you met them before or was this -
[he points to tim's phone, then back to tim as if he's trying to piece together something, like some incompetent boomer trying to open a fucking pdf.]
An online date?
[he shakes his head, stepping back and putting up a hand as if in surrender.]
You know what - nevermind, it's really none of my business. I'm sure the last thing you want is me razzing you during your time off.
[hawk offers a conspiratorial smirk, again ignoring the churning in his gut and the uncontrollable urge radiating through his fingers to brush down his hair from the mop it's turned into, strands swaying lightly in the chilly air around them. tim's expression is nothing short of crushed, eyes wide and glassy from both the icy atmosphere and the cold rebuff from hawk, maybe, and what he wouldn't do to smooth away the furrow of his brows with a soft brush of thumb, a kiss to the temple. a muscle in his jaw flexes tightly again, even as he offers a playful nudge to the shoulder of his student in understanding.]
We're all a little worn out. Don't worry about it.
[his eyes soften again as he desperately tries to suppressing the crushing sensation that feels like it's squeezing around his chest, the very real moment sinking in that he's letting down Skippy - Tim - his boy the most gentle way he possibly can and escaping from this whole fucking mess. this lesson should have been hard earned years ago, and somehow he still - ]
Enjoy your break, Laughlin.
[he turns to get back on the path of the sidewalk, stopping again like he can't quite help himself before angling his head to the side and calling over his shoulder.]
Be safe, okay?