[there's a disbelieving noise, close enough to a scoff when tim asks why, and he can't...honestly be that unrealistic about this situation can he? can't understand what a fucking bomb has been dropped in both of their laps with a timer ticking down until next semester? because there's a terrible though that worms it's way into hawk's head involuntarily - he's technically not your student for the next two weeks, is he? no, no - fuck, goddamnit. and tim is yet again standing on the principle of the thing, treating it as if it's just another party-line to negotiate, a threshold he can debate himself across. like it's as simple as another day in hawk's classroom when this is a serious violation of both their boundaries. through no fault of anyone's own, but that certainly wouldn't be much excuse to someone like the ethics board. dean smith?]
You aren't seriously asking me that, are you? You know exactly why.
[his lips press into a thin line as tim....well, accuses him of doing exactly what he did, which is try to lie his way out of it first. and why the hell shouldn't he? it would have been better for them both if tim had stayed there, nose buried in his book and just waited for a man that was never going to walk through that door. if hawk hadn't bypassed all his own carefully constructed speed bumps and ignored every single red flag - well he wouldn't be in this sticky of a situation. he's got nobody to blame but himself, even if he isn't going to blame himself for having needs or preferences or interacting on only fans safely and discreetly like he has. all of this comes down to an awful mistake, an overstep he should have had his head on straight to know to politely decline in the first place.]
Jesus, Laughlin. Call it a Christmas present for our friend Skippy and leave it alone. It's not about the money - and it's not about the goods either.
[he breathes out a noise harshly through his nose, reaching out to grab one of tim's arms and drag him further into a small side area with a few benches and decorative plants strung up with christmas lights. and then he dips into the pocket that doesn't have his phone, tugging out the same pack of half empty cigarettes and forcefully shoving one into his mouth in clear frustration while fishing around for his gold lighter. he murmurs around it, cigarette bouncing up and down between his lips as he cups his hands and ignites it, annoyed he's had to pull one out this early in the first place. he's usually a little more regimented than that.]
Yeah, I lied. Not because I think you're an idiot or wanted you to feel crazy, but do you really think I want both of us to be stuck in the situation we're in now?
[he exhales over his shoulder, away from the determination on tim's face that's practically taunting him to come up with a better excuse for any of this. but then he says the one thing that makes hawk nearly double take in disbelief, following it up with what may as well be a gut punch with each utterance. tim is glad it's him. tim thinks he's - what, undesirable? he remembers skippy saying it was more believable than hawk might think about a lack of interest, but he couldn't really imagine anyone doing what he did most nights really struggling with a body and sense of humour and captivating as that. or maybe this is just further proof how far he's slipped, how much of a fucking idiot he is now for falling susceptible to this in the first place. he takes another long pull, exhaling hard and shaking his head as if to dispel every element of tim's argument by gesture alone.]
Listen to me, Tim. You're a good kid. You've got a promising future in Washington, and you're the best student in my class, okay? But that's all you can be. A student. And I don't fuck my students.
[a pause to let that sink in, the most obvious root of the matter that he frankly can't believe he has to impart at all.]
Especially when I don't know what they're up to outside of class. And I definitely don't want them knowing what I'm up to either. No one's saying anything about hush money. But I'm willing to bet it means a whole lot more to you than it does to me, so I'm not taking no for an answer.
[his gaze has softened again, unintentionally, clear blue shifting back and forth across his face even as they grow glassy from the cold and the smoke billowing up from the cigarette still in his hand.]
Tell me you understand all of it.
[he doesn't mean to give it to him in the husky note of an order, but it seems that's something that seeps into both hawk's regular life and his online proclivities anyway.]
no subject
You aren't seriously asking me that, are you? You know exactly why.
[his lips press into a thin line as tim....well, accuses him of doing exactly what he did, which is try to lie his way out of it first. and why the hell shouldn't he? it would have been better for them both if tim had stayed there, nose buried in his book and just waited for a man that was never going to walk through that door. if hawk hadn't bypassed all his own carefully constructed speed bumps and ignored every single red flag - well he wouldn't be in this sticky of a situation. he's got nobody to blame but himself, even if he isn't going to blame himself for having needs or preferences or interacting on only fans safely and discreetly like he has. all of this comes down to an awful mistake, an overstep he should have had his head on straight to know to politely decline in the first place.]
Jesus, Laughlin. Call it a Christmas present for our friend Skippy and leave it alone. It's not about the money - and it's not about the goods either.
[he breathes out a noise harshly through his nose, reaching out to grab one of tim's arms and drag him further into a small side area with a few benches and decorative plants strung up with christmas lights. and then he dips into the pocket that doesn't have his phone, tugging out the same pack of half empty cigarettes and forcefully shoving one into his mouth in clear frustration while fishing around for his gold lighter. he murmurs around it, cigarette bouncing up and down between his lips as he cups his hands and ignites it, annoyed he's had to pull one out this early in the first place. he's usually a little more regimented than that.]
Yeah, I lied. Not because I think you're an idiot or wanted you to feel crazy, but do you really think I want both of us to be stuck in the situation we're in now?
[he exhales over his shoulder, away from the determination on tim's face that's practically taunting him to come up with a better excuse for any of this. but then he says the one thing that makes hawk nearly double take in disbelief, following it up with what may as well be a gut punch with each utterance. tim is glad it's him. tim thinks he's - what, undesirable? he remembers skippy saying it was more believable than hawk might think about a lack of interest, but he couldn't really imagine anyone doing what he did most nights really struggling with a body and sense of humour and captivating as that. or maybe this is just further proof how far he's slipped, how much of a fucking idiot he is now for falling susceptible to this in the first place. he takes another long pull, exhaling hard and shaking his head as if to dispel every element of tim's argument by gesture alone.]
Listen to me, Tim. You're a good kid. You've got a promising future in Washington, and you're the best student in my class, okay? But that's all you can be. A student. And I don't fuck my students.
[a pause to let that sink in, the most obvious root of the matter that he frankly can't believe he has to impart at all.]
Especially when I don't know what they're up to outside of class. And I definitely don't want them knowing what I'm up to either. No one's saying anything about hush money. But I'm willing to bet it means a whole lot more to you than it does to me, so I'm not taking no for an answer.
[his gaze has softened again, unintentionally, clear blue shifting back and forth across his face even as they grow glassy from the cold and the smoke billowing up from the cigarette still in his hand.]
Tell me you understand all of it.
[he doesn't mean to give it to him in the husky note of an order, but it seems that's something that seeps into both hawk's regular life and his online proclivities anyway.]