[ the palm against his forehead feels cool and even, a steady thing to lean into and for a few seconds, tim's eyes flutter closed. yes, he could rest just like this, soaking up the warmth and the musky cologne the man is wearing. nothing would feel safer in the world than that. but he has little chance to truly rest his eyes when professor fuller pats at his cheek, speaks to him so softly and kindly. ]
I am lucky.
[ tim can acknowledge that whatever is happening to him is bad - he's been drunk before, even a little high before, but none of it has ever felt like this. he knows hawkins fuller's office better than almost anyone - he's spent hours in here, perched in this chair, debating and arguing and talking. but the walls seem high and steep, the desk broad and barren, and the way his vision spins he can barely keep up with hawk's movements around the room. ]
I thought he was - it wasn't s'posed to be anything...
[ but there's so much happening. hawk holding him, keeping him upright, looking at him with those annoyingly blue eyes and that frown. he shouldn't have come here. he should have just made his way down toward the dorms and called it done and over with. a wash. his summer classes going down the drain with a creepy older man and some shitty pizzeria drink.
but the word hospital seems to give him a moment of clarity. he holds his hands up, not quite surrender but surprise. ]
I can't... I can't go. Just go to the... the college RN.
[ he huffs a little, shaking his head. ] I can't afford it. It's too much.
[ but there's little he can do in the way of physical rebuttal, and so he sits like he's told, trying his best to stay still even if the room is churning around him. he shakes his head, as though that might clear his vision, and only when hawk is within better reach again does he reach for one arm, a shoulder. ]
Please ... I'll go back to my dorm. S'fine. Gotta get some sleep I bet, that's... that's all. They'll decline my bank card.
[ it's a good thing his reaction time is next to nil right now, as even though he tries to walk, even he can tell that something has changed in the past few minutes. enough that when professor fuller tells him to close his eyes, he does it without hesitation, a slurred yes,sir tumbling from his lips without any filter to hold it back.
and up he goes, enough that tim groans a little at first before he leans heavily into the man's broad chest, head dropping against his shoulder, the outside arm flopping loosely to hold onto the opposite shoulder. he's being carried, he realizes, hanging a little heavy in the man's arms as he keeps his eyes shut, breathing through another wave of nausea. ]
I don't have any money left. I bought pizza with what I had left and I didn't even get to eat it.
[ there's something that hitches in his voice, almost like tears may be threatening at the corners of his eyes. he spent the last of his money on this stupid date, with the anticipation that he'd get the base three thousand regardless, and maybe more if he somehow impressed or performed well. at the very least he should have been able to leave with full stomach. ]
I can't pay you back. Hospitals are so much. Please, don't make me go.
[ but it's obvious it's already far, far too late for negotiations. why he stumbled into this building to find this man is something he'll absolutely have to unpack later. he has no doubt that professor fuller will walk in, make tim get a hospital room and get seen, then be on his way. why wouldn't he?
as much as tim would like to imagine that they have something different, he knows he's not fooling anyone. after all, he is the boy that tried to go on a date with a stranger in hopes of earning enough money to stay on campus a little while longer. a few months at home won't be the death of him, no. he can survive the angry church his father prays to, the strict house rules, being watched carefully.
but leaving behind school? a summer full of classes he gets to take simply for the joy of it? a life without watchful eyes and a little bit of lonely freedom? it feels impossible.
he sighs, burying his face absently against the crook of hawk's neck and shoulder, trying to block out the motion and the light, which makes his head spin even more, makes his stomach churn sickly.
so finally, in defeat: ]
I'm sorry. I... I don't have anyone else.
[ who will get this. who will understand what happened. who will know what to do and take care of him. tim can feel the pull of heavy sleep even more now that he's being gingerly carried. god, he hopes no one else is around to witness this. that would be messy beyond repair. ]
no subject
I am lucky.
[ tim can acknowledge that whatever is happening to him is bad - he's been drunk before, even a little high before, but none of it has ever felt like this. he knows hawkins fuller's office better than almost anyone - he's spent hours in here, perched in this chair, debating and arguing and talking. but the walls seem high and steep, the desk broad and barren, and the way his vision spins he can barely keep up with hawk's movements around the room. ]
I thought he was - it wasn't s'posed to be anything...
[ but there's so much happening. hawk holding him, keeping him upright, looking at him with those annoyingly blue eyes and that frown. he shouldn't have come here. he should have just made his way down toward the dorms and called it done and over with. a wash. his summer classes going down the drain with a creepy older man and some shitty pizzeria drink.
but the word hospital seems to give him a moment of clarity. he holds his hands up, not quite surrender but surprise. ]
I can't... I can't go. Just go to the... the college RN.
[ he huffs a little, shaking his head. ] I can't afford it. It's too much.
[ but there's little he can do in the way of physical rebuttal, and so he sits like he's told, trying his best to stay still even if the room is churning around him. he shakes his head, as though that might clear his vision, and only when hawk is within better reach again does he reach for one arm, a shoulder. ]
Please ... I'll go back to my dorm. S'fine. Gotta get some sleep I bet, that's... that's all. They'll decline my bank card.
[ it's a good thing his reaction time is next to nil right now, as even though he tries to walk, even he can tell that something has changed in the past few minutes. enough that when professor fuller tells him to close his eyes, he does it without hesitation, a slurred yes,sir tumbling from his lips without any filter to hold it back.
and up he goes, enough that tim groans a little at first before he leans heavily into the man's broad chest, head dropping against his shoulder, the outside arm flopping loosely to hold onto the opposite shoulder. he's being carried, he realizes, hanging a little heavy in the man's arms as he keeps his eyes shut, breathing through another wave of nausea. ]
I don't have any money left. I bought pizza with what I had left and I didn't even get to eat it.
[ there's something that hitches in his voice, almost like tears may be threatening at the corners of his eyes. he spent the last of his money on this stupid date, with the anticipation that he'd get the base three thousand regardless, and maybe more if he somehow impressed or performed well. at the very least he should have been able to leave with full stomach. ]
I can't pay you back. Hospitals are so much. Please, don't make me go.
[ but it's obvious it's already far, far too late for negotiations. why he stumbled into this building to find this man is something he'll absolutely have to unpack later. he has no doubt that professor fuller will walk in, make tim get a hospital room and get seen, then be on his way. why wouldn't he?
as much as tim would like to imagine that they have something different, he knows he's not fooling anyone. after all, he is the boy that tried to go on a date with a stranger in hopes of earning enough money to stay on campus a little while longer. a few months at home won't be the death of him, no. he can survive the angry church his father prays to, the strict house rules, being watched carefully.
but leaving behind school? a summer full of classes he gets to take simply for the joy of it? a life without watchful eyes and a little bit of lonely freedom? it feels impossible.
he sighs, burying his face absently against the crook of hawk's neck and shoulder, trying to block out the motion and the light, which makes his head spin even more, makes his stomach churn sickly.
so finally, in defeat: ]
I'm sorry. I... I don't have anyone else.
[ who will get this. who will understand what happened. who will know what to do and take care of him. tim can feel the pull of heavy sleep even more now that he's being gingerly carried. god, he hopes no one else is around to witness this. that would be messy beyond repair. ]
I don't have anyone.