[it was the decent thing to do - the safer thing too, wasn't it? he tries to imagine how someone like the dean or lonigan or even craig would have handled this. probably not like this, that's for damn sure. hawk doesn't necessarily think that means it's wrong, even if it isn't "right" by the school handbook. the point is: he's not leaving tim again. and even if circumstances are ideal...he'd like to think dean smith would have his back. is it really so different from a boy back from boarding school, practically shunned by his own family and doing everything to claw his way up into the world, to forget the way he'd earned his father's disgust after years of trying to hide and be the perfect son - to try and forget his trauma of being discovered and outed so he could do it all right and just survive? sometimes hawk has to pretend it was different with leonard - the drinking, the drugs, the drama. he wasn't a good son and he never even tried, that's the only reason he'd earned his father's ire, surely.
hawk lifts his arm, shifting to help untangle the blanket from his shoes and tug it off so he can attempt to sit up. which might have been a mistake, considering the fact that he looks a little green around the gills again. it seems like he's mentally torturing himself by the extraordinary tightness in the way his eyes slip shut, squeezing hard like the white-knuckled grip his fingers have on the bed too. he can tell what's left unsaid at the end of that sentence - i don't deserve it. so what if tim's not some lost lamb in high school, he's an adult but that doesn't make this any less difficult for him. his lips pull downward into a small frown, and even though he wants to chime in, somehow it doesn't seem like his place.]
Here. It's not much, but you look cold.
[hawk's linen blazer - better than nothing.]
Forget about them, they'd probably be about as helpful to you as their contributions to class.
[he's trying to make a joke of it, to subtly let tim know how elevated he is compared to his peers. to get him to stop feeling so low and so fucking guilty when it's hawk who should be taking on that burden. he moves in, one hand pressing against the side of tim's cheek to try and steady him again where it looks like he might start to sway. only because something solid and steadying and surprising might do him some good right now. his voice lowers again, something soft and coaxing like he's working with a wounded animal. this time, he doesn't bother to look over his shoulder.]
Hey - I want you to try something for me.
[should he assume tim will obey? no. but he knows he will all the same, and that's definitely something to shove down and lock away until long after tim is gone and he can think about the s-word freely in the comfort of his own bed.]
Take a deep breath for me and close your eyes.
[hawk mimics it too, an audible inhale.]
Yeah, that's good. Just hold it for a second, and exhale nice and slow.
[in the meantime, hawk kindly omits the fact that he chose sibley because it was off campus and the likelihood of being seen by student or staff was a hell of a lot less for the moment.]
And when you feel ready - open your eyes.
[his fingers shift slightly against the warmth of his cheeks, and when he looks into the wide, dark rings surrounded by warm chocolate, he meets it with a soft and encouraging smile.]
Now - the easiest way is probably for me to carry you again, you think you can manage to hold on until we get to the car?
no subject
[it was the decent thing to do - the safer thing too, wasn't it? he tries to imagine how someone like the dean or lonigan or even craig would have handled this. probably not like this, that's for damn sure. hawk doesn't necessarily think that means it's wrong, even if it isn't "right" by the school handbook. the point is: he's not leaving tim again. and even if circumstances are ideal...he'd like to think dean smith would have his back. is it really so different from a boy back from boarding school, practically shunned by his own family and doing everything to claw his way up into the world, to forget the way he'd earned his father's disgust after years of trying to hide and be the perfect son - to try and forget his trauma of being discovered and outed so he could do it all right and just survive? sometimes hawk has to pretend it was different with leonard - the drinking, the drugs, the drama. he wasn't a good son and he never even tried, that's the only reason he'd earned his father's ire, surely.
hawk lifts his arm, shifting to help untangle the blanket from his shoes and tug it off so he can attempt to sit up. which might have been a mistake, considering the fact that he looks a little green around the gills again. it seems like he's mentally torturing himself by the extraordinary tightness in the way his eyes slip shut, squeezing hard like the white-knuckled grip his fingers have on the bed too. he can tell what's left unsaid at the end of that sentence - i don't deserve it. so what if tim's not some lost lamb in high school, he's an adult but that doesn't make this any less difficult for him. his lips pull downward into a small frown, and even though he wants to chime in, somehow it doesn't seem like his place.]
Here. It's not much, but you look cold.
[hawk's linen blazer - better than nothing.]
Forget about them, they'd probably be about as helpful to you as their contributions to class.
[he's trying to make a joke of it, to subtly let tim know how elevated he is compared to his peers. to get him to stop feeling so low and so fucking guilty when it's hawk who should be taking on that burden. he moves in, one hand pressing against the side of tim's cheek to try and steady him again where it looks like he might start to sway. only because something solid and steadying and surprising might do him some good right now. his voice lowers again, something soft and coaxing like he's working with a wounded animal. this time, he doesn't bother to look over his shoulder.]
Hey - I want you to try something for me.
[should he assume tim will obey? no. but he knows he will all the same, and that's definitely something to shove down and lock away until long after tim is gone and he can think about the s-word freely in the comfort of his own bed.]
Take a deep breath for me and close your eyes.
[hawk mimics it too, an audible inhale.]
Yeah, that's good. Just hold it for a second, and exhale nice and slow.
[in the meantime, hawk kindly omits the fact that he chose sibley because it was off campus and the likelihood of being seen by student or staff was a hell of a lot less for the moment.]
And when you feel ready - open your eyes.
[his fingers shift slightly against the warmth of his cheeks, and when he looks into the wide, dark rings surrounded by warm chocolate, he meets it with a soft and encouraging smile.]
Now - the easiest way is probably for me to carry you again, you think you can manage to hold on until we get to the car?