there's a tremor in him that he senses before tim asks to stop - and they're nearly at the bed when he agrees with a soft of course - go ahead, guiding him to sit at the edge before he pulls himself up into a seated position. which frankly is progress compared to yesterday night, he supposes. hawk settles himself in the chair again, legs spread and back pressed downward so he can rest his elbows on his knees and put himself moreso at tim's level. hands folded between the space in something meant to be casual and encouraging. no desk between them, no schoolwork, and no computer screen. this might be the best chance they've got to have an honest conversation about the whole thing, and it seems like that's what tim wants.
the fact that he doesn't remember...it's not going to be pleasant to be the bearer of bad news, but he has a hunch that if he'd want anyone to do it? it would be hawk, so long as he treads lightly. thank god the hangups he'd had last night about seeing tim in his bed, let alone with a cheek pressed adoringly against his knee have been abated by the stone cold sober realities sinking in during the light of day. they'll sink in again when he's alone, able to absorb the thought of them in a much different context. for now, his gaze shifts upward to where tim looks utterly hollowed out with nothing but rawness left behind.]
Well there's one thing you gotta fix off the bat.
You forgot your promise - no more apologizing. Acknowledging that none of this is your fault.
[that's an easier way of putting it instead of reminding tim he'd agreed to be the good boy the hawk of his classes and his late night activities had come to inspire. it's slow motion the way tim runs a hand through maybe the most serious case of endearing bedhead he's ever seen before he tips against the solid wood of his nightstand and has hawk lunging forward from his seat to keep him from accidentally bashing his head in. his hand steadies agains his arm, the other pressing gently at the bare skin against his ribcage, solid and yet somehow closer to the surface than he would have imagined looking at his torso. must be all the pinching pennies and skipping meals. hawk shifts him back upright with a slight frown, reaching for his glasses and extending them in his hand for tim to take.]
Alright, I think that's enough of that. If you need something for now, ask. You're in no shape for sudden movements, got it?
[he pulls away, crossing his legs and leaning back against the chair with a sigh. one hand drums against the armrest, trying to decide where to start, considering he doesn't even have the full picture either.]
I was in the office late last night. You stumbled in three sheets to the wind, though how you got there in one piece I couldn't tell you.
A date - Pizzeria Paradiso. Do you remember that? Thank god for your guardian angel - the waitress must have known something was off because she kept an eye on you, figured he put something in your drink.
And then I took you to the hospital - Sibley Memorial - less chance of either of us answering questions we'd prefer not to. Nurse said it was GHB and you needed to be monitored. Not a chance I was gonna ship you back to the dorms even in a cab, so I took you here to let you clean up a bit and get some shut-eye.
[that's the gist of it. but that's really not it, is it? his voice softens again, and he reaches tentatively to settle a hand on his student's forearm.]
Tim - what did you need the money for?
[to the tune of about $500 a week, right? because it's my fault - i'm the one that put you here.]
You said it was the first time since we - saw each other during Christmas break.
no subject
[the thought would never cross his mind - hell, it hadn't even when they'd first come face to face in the coffee shop that any of this was an intentional thought to trap him, to force him into an unwanted situation. nevermind that the only unwanted part is the fact that he's a current student - but that's not a fact he's planning on sharing anytime soon. his body slots in close, already preparing for maybe what is the inevitable of tim losing his balance once or his nerve once again. hawk's no mind-reader, but he doesn't think he needs to be to watch the way he's huddling in on himself once more, probably grasping at straws trying to piece everything together and reassure himself that nothing untoward really transpired here. it's still baffling to think his biggest concern would be hawk's comfort, but he supposes that's the same naΓ―vetΓ© he's spent weeks trying to hone into something a little sharper and that much wiser.
there's a tremor in him that he senses before tim asks to stop - and they're nearly at the bed when he agrees with a soft of course - go ahead, guiding him to sit at the edge before he pulls himself up into a seated position. which frankly is progress compared to yesterday night, he supposes. hawk settles himself in the chair again, legs spread and back pressed downward so he can rest his elbows on his knees and put himself moreso at tim's level. hands folded between the space in something meant to be casual and encouraging. no desk between them, no schoolwork, and no computer screen. this might be the best chance they've got to have an honest conversation about the whole thing, and it seems like that's what tim wants.
the fact that he doesn't remember...it's not going to be pleasant to be the bearer of bad news, but he has a hunch that if he'd want anyone to do it? it would be hawk, so long as he treads lightly. thank god the hangups he'd had last night about seeing tim in his bed, let alone with a cheek pressed adoringly against his knee have been abated by the stone cold sober realities sinking in during the light of day. they'll sink in again when he's alone, able to absorb the thought of them in a much different context. for now, his gaze shifts upward to where tim looks utterly hollowed out with nothing but rawness left behind.]
Well there's one thing you gotta fix off the bat.
You forgot your promise - no more apologizing. Acknowledging that none of this is your fault.
[that's an easier way of putting it instead of reminding tim he'd agreed to be the good boy the hawk of his classes and his late night activities had come to inspire. it's slow motion the way tim runs a hand through maybe the most serious case of endearing bedhead he's ever seen before he tips against the solid wood of his nightstand and has hawk lunging forward from his seat to keep him from accidentally bashing his head in. his hand steadies agains his arm, the other pressing gently at the bare skin against his ribcage, solid and yet somehow closer to the surface than he would have imagined looking at his torso. must be all the pinching pennies and skipping meals. hawk shifts him back upright with a slight frown, reaching for his glasses and extending them in his hand for tim to take.]
Alright, I think that's enough of that. If you need something for now, ask. You're in no shape for sudden movements, got it?
[he pulls away, crossing his legs and leaning back against the chair with a sigh. one hand drums against the armrest, trying to decide where to start, considering he doesn't even have the full picture either.]
I was in the office late last night. You stumbled in three sheets to the wind, though how you got there in one piece I couldn't tell you.
A date - Pizzeria Paradiso. Do you remember that? Thank god for your guardian angel - the waitress must have known something was off because she kept an eye on you, figured he put something in your drink.
And then I took you to the hospital - Sibley Memorial - less chance of either of us answering questions we'd prefer not to. Nurse said it was GHB and you needed to be monitored. Not a chance I was gonna ship you back to the dorms even in a cab, so I took you here to let you clean up a bit and get some shut-eye.
[that's the gist of it. but that's really not it, is it? his voice softens again, and he reaches tentatively to settle a hand on his student's forearm.]
Tim - what did you need the money for?
[to the tune of about $500 a week, right? because it's my fault - i'm the one that put you here.]
You said it was the first time since we - saw each other during Christmas break.