[christ, maybe he does need another tumbler of scotch. shit, maybe even a double. it was a whirlwind like this with tim too once upon a time - moments of tenderness that suddenly turned into something ugly, exposing all the cracks and inherent flaws of their coupling with the visceral gut punch of reality. how did they get from waltzing across his living room to kissing like it was the very air needed in their lungs to embry with one foot or the door before the music stopped and the needle even slid off the record. the fear in his eyes is nothing but a fucking mystery to hawk - hawk who assumes embry has just backed himself into a corner and doesn't know how to get out of it.
maybe he's misread the entire situation and there was nothing there at all, just a convenience when it was needed and things have gotten too goddamn real now. maybe hawk's the one who backed himself into a corner and doesn't even realize it, pushing him too far to a point he didn't even realize was crossing a line. ash is the farthest thing from his mind right now in this state, instead taking a rare moment to look inward and take the blame for something he'd easily right off or see through.
don't fucking ask me what you already know, he says, and for a moment hawk's brows pinch in irritation that he doesn't fucking know - maybe he doesn't know anything anymore because that's how he feels in this moment.]
I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do.
[how tragically ironic they're both being plagued by the ghosts of lost love and don't even know it - hawk feeling a pang of déjà vu even as the words come out of his mouth, remembering when he'd offered it to tim who just wanted to know him. only tim wanted more that hawk couldn't give him, here...maybe embry needs less. maybe he doesn't want anything at all.
then why the fuck did he come here in the first place? is what the rational side of his brain supplies. push him.]
And I certainly don't want you somewhere you don't wanna be.
[if he were in the proper spirits, he might offer a shitty ultimatum - get back over here and i'll take leave until monday. he's not a good man and he's not sure it's enough to start trying, but today he just can't put the puzzle pieces together on his own. his eyes can't hide it though - something desperate to understand, to culminate this back and forth at an inopportune time because nothing they've done has been anything less than fucking messy and wrong and maybe that's alright after all. his thumb shifts over the delicate inside of his wrist once more, along the veins and brushing up past the cut of his sleeve.
no subject
maybe he's misread the entire situation and there was nothing there at all, just a convenience when it was needed and things have gotten too goddamn real now. maybe hawk's the one who backed himself into a corner and doesn't even realize it, pushing him too far to a point he didn't even realize was crossing a line. ash is the farthest thing from his mind right now in this state, instead taking a rare moment to look inward and take the blame for something he'd easily right off or see through.
don't fucking ask me what you already know, he says, and for a moment hawk's brows pinch in irritation that he doesn't fucking know - maybe he doesn't know anything anymore because that's how he feels in this moment.]
I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do.
[how tragically ironic they're both being plagued by the ghosts of lost love and don't even know it - hawk feeling a pang of déjà vu even as the words come out of his mouth, remembering when he'd offered it to tim who just wanted to know him. only tim wanted more that hawk couldn't give him, here...maybe embry needs less. maybe he doesn't want anything at all.
then why the fuck did he come here in the first place? is what the rational side of his brain supplies. push him.]
And I certainly don't want you somewhere you don't wanna be.
[if he were in the proper spirits, he might offer a shitty ultimatum - get back over here and i'll take leave until monday. he's not a good man and he's not sure it's enough to start trying, but today he just can't put the puzzle pieces together on his own. his eyes can't hide it though - something desperate to understand, to culminate this back and forth at an inopportune time because nothing they've done has been anything less than fucking messy and wrong and maybe that's alright after all. his thumb shifts over the delicate inside of his wrist once more, along the veins and brushing up past the cut of his sleeve.
stay.]
You've got no obligation to me, Embry.