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homosexuals) wrote2020-04-06 11:13 pm
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[SPOIL OF WAR AU]
SPOIL OF WAR AU
after all we all are prisoners. of our memories, our desires, our limitations, our disappointments⦠in the end we are terribly tragic creatures.
no subject
those are the days he finds himself aching for something else altogether, stealing glances in the hall where he can, or even dropping in during his mealtime when tim is occupied with his other duties to steal a glance at his notes for the day. sometimes he even leaves a few of his own behind, his own penmanship a looping slope of continual ink.]
Those are hard to come by - it's no wonder they cost a pretty penny. One was plenty thoughtful; you have my utmost thanks.
But it's funny, when I looked at the rich shade of red there was only one thing I found my thoughts drawn towards. Your lips, the other day when you'd worried them between your teeth. It was during our analysis of the North and South Schism - you seemed troubled, but I could hardly pull away my gaze.
It was hard not to let my mind wander while I ate it. The perfect amount of sweetness in the juice, crisp and revitalizing in its surprising firmness. Just like you.
Until our next session, Counselor.
[tim will find another apple of the same vibrance next to his journal - an offering that he shouldn't miss out on such a delicacy either.]
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I am always troubled by conflict between kingdoms. It's my duty.
In the future, perhaps I'll try to find something a little more mundane to worry over, so as not to distract you from your lessons.
All the same, you should be mindful what you commit to writing.
Though your penmanship is elegant, bold, confident. It's handsome to the eye, but there is something untamed in it.
You must have a very steady hand.
Who did you send after the apple? You'd best not have left the walls without guard.
All the same, I will have to judge your assessment of the apple myself when next we meet - we'll halve it.
I assume that's how it would be, were we to have found the tree ourselves in your land.
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I've always been too smart for my own good. At least, that's what my countrymen used to say. And my hands - those have always been sure.
And speaking of hands - one thing to learn about me, Counselor Laughlin, is that I have no fear in using mine when required. To pluck an apple, barter with a vendor, tap one of the friendlier guards on the shoulder and regale them with tales of the old Washington as we take a stroll.
Consider me eagerly awaiting your opinion. Shall I find something else to whet your appetite in the meantime?
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After all, who do you think it was that sent the messenger to the battlefield to watch your victory?
Your land has spoken highly of you for some time.
[ but oh. he mentions hands? ]
I have no doubt your hands are capable, my lord. I have seen you wield a greatsword in training and I have witnessed first hand how nimbly you may even tie the most unruliest hair back, and with such grace.
Be mindful, else I might suspect you of treason since you are so skilled and capable with those hands. Though I'm certain you may find something in our fields to satisfy my appetite.
I forget meals often, if I'm honest.
But I wish to wait on this apple - as I said. Another time.
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That was you? Well, you must not have had the opportunity to speak to my father on that account. Small favors, hm?
Full of surprises, Counselor Laughlin. You're watching my training sessions? Perhaps next time you should make your presence known. Or - come and have a roll on the hay mats with me yourself. Those muscles weren't built from mere book reading.
Sending me on a quest to find forbidden fruit? I'll gladly accept. Do I get a hint?
Well, if you're to serve my needs while I'm here then I'm going to have to insist you accompany my meals from now on. You can't be tending to the kingdom's assets on an empty stomach.
Not another time. Next time.
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Just as with your training. You'll be marrying Princess Lucy, after all. If you cannot fight on her behalf then you can be no King. I report my findings to the King himself, if I deem it necessary.
You are being tooIt would not be appropriate for either of us to have a roll on the mats. I'm no warrior - I have no skills in the arena. I have no desire to be made into a mockery. I cannot compete with someone like you.
Are you considering yourself an asset of the Kingdom, then? Washington thanks you for your kind contributions. So next time, perhaps you can ask for cherries? Or cheese. I shouldn't use you to my ends, but those foods are reserved for Kings, mind you.
The guards will laugh at your requests. The cherry trees are in the borderlands - we don't see them here often. So yes, Master Fuller. Another time.
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And? What have you found of my worthiness thus far? It's good to know where I stand. Not for the Princess, but because I'd like to know.
No skills - that's a bit of a stretch. I'm told you were trained as well as any other strapping young man in this kingdom. Not extensively, but enough to surely have a go-around. I'd never dream of making it an unfair competition - more like satisfying an idle curiosity.
Of course not. I'm here to serve the King, like any other citizen.
Cherries. A fine alternative to the apples - sweeter, if I recall. Can you do the trick? I knew a man once - could tie the stem with his tongue.
Another time. Might be just around the corner.
[as if hawk isn't going to make it his sole mission to obtain these things in as little time as possible. even if he needs to ask it of smith himself.]
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I've not made an official opinion on you yet, Master Fuller. I have noted you seem to assimilate well. You learn quickly, you fight with confidence. Your understanding of foreign politics is strong, and though you lack courtly knowledge, that won't stand in your way of making strong judgements. Your table manners leave something to be desired, I've yet to see you dance, and I think you could stand to read a little more, but who am I to judge.
Princess Lucy will be the one to truly appraise you. If it were up to me alone, then I would not argue much.
Less sweet, more tart. I used to have them with a bowl of cream, when I was permitted. I was younger then, and life awarded me more pleasantries. Now it is all work. And I don't know what trick you speak of. That's obscene.
Do you have a favorite fruit? Or a meal? Is there anything from your home you long for?
As I said - for me, it is cherries.
I hope to make you comfortable here in as much as I am able to.
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And it might never be, if I don't take your notations to heart. I'm not much for dancing - though I hope that's not enough to cause another foreign dispute. You seem fairly confident in judging, and my Mother would be disappointed to know her good dining etiquette doesn't traverse into the old lands.
Still. I think I'd rather it rest in your capable hands.
Young age is full of them - until it isn't. Rest assured, that's a shared sentiment. But it hardly seems fair to leave you without some now, or at the very least - time to yourself. A lack of meals, no more pleasantries...some might consider that barbaric.
No need to hope for that when you've already managed to accomplish it. The apple was a very pleasant surprise, for which you have my thanks. I like the things most men do - grapes, the drinks derived from grain and rye and wild meat. Now the only thing that might comfort me is to return the favor.
Maybe you might even learn a little something obscene out of it. I know it too.
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I prefer it that way.
Your dining isn't terrible - but it's evident you are a soldier who has lived a soldier's life for some time. You eat as though we will not feed you again. I can assure you that your belly will always be as full as you wish for it to be.
I'm certain I could ask for liberties or favors but I do not make a habit of it. I am a mere citizen of the Kingdom, sir. You are a glorified heir apparent. Our freedoms are different, as are our chains.
Rid the word barbaric from your vocabulary regarding his Highness and the Court. I'm serious. It could not be farther from the truth.
My apologies. I'm tired this afternoon. I hope you saw the grapes I had sent with your lunch? Please, accept them as my penance? I should have known you'd prefer such things, as most men do. I tried not to make any assumptions, and I suppose I have anyway, what with the apple, and all. I will be more mindful in the future.
You can tie a knot? Impossible.
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Duly noted. But know it's not for a lack of meals, rather an urgency not to keep my back turned too long. You've heard what they say about old habits. And before you ask: rest assured, it's nothing King Smith or you or any of the staff have done. I merely dislike vulnerability wherever it's to be found.
There you go again - have you ever considered becoming a poet? An artist, perhaps? You have quite the way with words, Counselor. But in many ways, I believe you have more freedoms than you think. More than me, if this all comes to fruition.
Another generous offering. My humble request next time? Is you bring them to me yourself so we might share. And fret not: the apples are secretly my favorite.
Mm. There's only one way to find out. I'm working on it.
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It is my duty, of course.
But if you are King you will have access to all the freedoms of the world, though with the weight of a crown on your head. I am happy to call the castle walls my home. I've been told off for being a bit verbose, but I think I've read nearly every book there is to be had in our library.
King Smith has called me a dreamer many times, so a poet wouldn't be far off. Neither are very profitable, Master Fuller, and neither very reasonable. However, bringing you grapes is very reasonable. I'll fetch you anything, all you need is to ask - that is what I'm here for, among other things.
We never have cherries here in court - it's too dangerous to fetch them. The land they lie on is stricken with conflict. I've no doubt you'll encounter them at some point in your travels with the King and his men. You must report to me your findings, and tell me how they taste on your tongue before you try the -
It's a bewitching trick to think about.
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Mm. You would see it that way. Listen, forget I said anything about all that - freedoms, chains. It's a long way off anyway, and King Smith will be with us for many years to come. Until he's old and grey and impossibly wiser than he already is. Though, I'm certain you've had a hand in that. Reading all the books in that library have surely come to good use.
A dreamer? Tell me what you dream of. That's my next ask.
Perhaps that will be my first decree as king. Cherries to be grown in our lands - that, or uniting the land the lie on so there's no danger in retrieving them. And perhaps too it'll be my first suggestion for a visit to the King and his men. All of this training can't simply be just to pass the time.
It is, isn't it? You've never come across it in all your books?
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But ah - no, I won't forget you said anything about it. Sorry. This is why King Smith says I can be a dreamer sometimes, an idealist. You don't want to be King here anymore than you did when you stepped onto the battlefield. In a way, I suppose I could choose my life's path in a way that you can't. I haven't had that freedom myself yet. You don't get to choose, really, when the King chooses for you.
I suppose it's the same for you, in a way.
I dream of peace for this country, for our territories. For King Smith to have a happy, quiet life. For Princess Lucy to have the love she deserves, and for the Kingdom to flourish. Anything any royal subject would dream of.
[ it's code for - i can't put this in writing ]
Your first decree should be far more impactful than cherries. Something that really tells the people who you are and what you stand for. You have great political sense, good ideas - the kingdom will love you. I can tell already.
Ah. You're making fun of me, aren't you? I've never come across it in my books, no. Most of the texts there are histories, battle logs, diaries of generals. No tricks or wizardry. But I didn't read them to simply pass the time. Much like your training.
You should be hard at work in training instead of stealing to my office to scribble notes in my journal. I clearly need to tell the staff to monitor your attendance better.
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[that's a lie, one tim could call him on if he wanted. hawk has been nothing but devoted to his studies and his trainings - if nothing else, he'd be keeping himself in shape by practicing with blades and shields and rolling on the mats with guardsmen who are grudgingly starting to give him some respect for his skill and easy charm.]
You understand it, then. A week ago I was just looking to make it back alive, keep honor among the Fuller name. Now I'm betrothed to the daughter of a King and meant to inherit the whole of a land.
I only find myself wondering what you might do if the King no longer chose. When I am King, is that what you might wish? To have your own path and the freedom to walk it? I would not keep you caged here, Counselor, even if I'd be very sorry to see you go.
[but yes, this does seem to be wading into territory better discussed in person.]
Well, you'll have to think it over. Our next lesson draws closer, but not soon enough for my tastes.
The cherries will have to wait, then. Maybe I might persuade the King to do something about it in the meantime, while I figure out what sort of King I am. The kind that's firm but altogether fair. Caring, even if I'm not blatantly soft about it. That's what the Queen is for, isn't it?
Wouldn't dream of it. Perhaps you're not reading the right kind of books then. There's more out there than mere history.
[in fact, to prove it: hawk has left a small maroon book - bound in elegant leather with gold leafed pages, though uneven. the text is old and worn and clearly hand-written. a collection of poems - mostly epic adventures, but a hint of melancholy and unrequited love.]
Haven't missed a session yet. Go on, ask them. I'm entitled to spend my break as I please, and I please to spend it filling up your journal.
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I don't know any other life than this one, really. I'll admit, I was taken under the wing of the court when I was young. It was the Queen who had a soft spot for me, at first. So yes, the Queen is meant for softer things, but don't let that keep your heart from staying soft beneath your armor.
You will certainly need to hear it beat.
I would be happy to stay at your side and remind you of that, when needed. If you will have me. If you will not, I suppose my time in the court would come to an end and I would find humbler work elsewhere.
[ the letter is a little distressing - picking at him for reading so many books, to questioning what he wants out of life if not for the kingdom. tim calls this place home, and maybe that's foolish. of course it is, considering. ]
I hope you are the King you wish to be. I can see the marks of it in you. And thank you - for the book. It's beautiful. Where did you come by this?
[ he wants to read more. to dive into poems and tales and stories he's only truly heard in fireside tales or over dinner in courtier's halls. ]
... all of your attendants have many positive things to say about you. I'm impressed, Master Fuller. I'll reserve my judgement then for a time when you do find my offices during your studies. Our next lesson, perhaps.
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[he's not talking about the land, however.]
Suppose there are many who envy your position. But the way I hear it, you're regarded very fondly among most of the court. Even a few young ladies wishing you might take to the dance floors at the feasts - is there such a thing precluding you from taking part in that? I'm certain I'll be expected to do the same, once I'm ready to mingle among polite society with enough grasp of the customs. A month's time from now - isn't it?
A round on that floor will surely have it racing, enough to hear I should think.
[hawk isn't usually much for such pleasantries, which is the ironic part. but there is a piece of him that wants to know and understand tim laughlin on a deer level - to learn his hopes and dreams so he might learn how to serve them as his future king.]
Oh, I'll certainly have you. So long as you don't oppose.
The book - from a friend to pass the time in camp. Admittedly, I never finished all of it.
[he skips the part where it was from kenny, one of his prized possessions and an offering to soothe away boredom and fear and keep sweetness alive among dying men and the stench of the battlefield.]
Well. Then I'll eagerly be awaiting your judgment. Wouldn't dream of taking anything else to heart until you've had the final say, but the attendants are a fine addition to these halls.
Is that an invitation? Will you plan to meet it in person then, the next time my hand itches to wander for a pen?
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[ it is a good thing that most people in this court would never fathom such innuendos to be exchanged among men. but tim's face burns every time he checks his notebook for the elegant scrawl of hawkins fuller.
it's wrong. he's betrothed to lucy. he shouldn't tempt feelings like this, and yet - ]
But yes, you'll be expected to formally join court. I've offered my arm for dances, but I find that it is my work I'm married to. I want my heart to be with the Crown, not distracted or waylaid by such things as courting. I don't want to give anyone false hopes, and I think most people of the court will be bored of me in minutes.
So, I will only oppose you having me if you insist I dance with court ladies. I don't mind dancing, but I'd certainly rather do it on my own terms.
[ he'll think about his own boldness later - you may have me to the insinuation of dances behind closed doors. he'll pray about it all later. ]
The book is beautiful. I've just finished, left it in my desk drawer to return to you. I copied a few of the poems down - it's beautiful. Particularly this -
β¦he
who listens intimately
to the sweet murmur of
your voice, the enticing
laughter that makes my own
heart beat fast. If I meet
you suddenly, I can't
speak β my tongue is broken.
It isn't an invitation - but should we cross paths at a convenient time, I suppose I have no authority to correct you. Enjoy the day, Master Fuller. It is lovely out, and the cherry blossoms have bloomed.
no subject
Mm. If it is to be with the Crown, then if, say - a beautiful Princess or perhaps even a King were to offer a hand on the dance floor, would you accept it? In a manner of speaking, of course. Entirely hypothetical.
I find it difficult to imagine anyone being bored by a conversation with you. If anything, I imagine many lack the intelligence to keep up with what you might say. So really, it's their privilege.
I wouldn't force you to do anything you didn't wish to do, Counselor Laughlin. What kind of a tyrant do you think me? But if I may have you - then it stands to reason I'd be allowed a dance, is that not so?
[he shouldn't have written that down. but it's too late now.]
Well, that was fast. I'm afraid I don't have any others to offer you, but if you wish to copy any others you'll find it exactly where you left it.
Will you speak to me then, if we do cross paths? Or must I worry your tongue broken?
The cherry blossoms are exceptional in Washington. No other flower upstate seems as fragrant. Are you out here enjoying them somewhere?
no subject
But neither would stoop so low as to dance with me regardless. And I wasn't insinuating you are a tyrant - by virtue alone you can have me do whatever you wish within reason, even now and you are not titled. When you are King, I will do your bidding, but I hardly think you're tyrannical.
But if you choose to have me, when the time comes, then it stands to reason I would certainly have to allow you a dance.
[ he also shouldn't have written it down, but he'll redact all of this later, for their safety. ]
Ah. Yes, sorry. I am a quick study. I showed my hand too quickly. It was a lovely book and a welcome reprieve from politics and histories. It was -
[ there's a sputtering of ink, like he's just glanced up to re-read what it is that hawk has written now. he ties the words to the poem and sits for a long time, red-faced. the slopes of his words seem a little shaken, like his heart was beating too fast to hold the pen still. ]
I will always speak to you, Hawkins, rest assured.
[ a slip there - something informal. he doesn't correct it. and instead, in the pages, pressed and soft still - a cherry blossom, light and fragrant. and indeed there may be a bough, sprigs of the blooms decorating the foyer of hawk's rooms when he returns. ]
I stepped out to pluck one for you - I don't have time to enjoy the sun today, but I hope you do. I'll insist your training is cut short so you may spend some time in the gardens.
I'm afraid my tongue is broken in such a manner that I cannot contain my words. I suspect you'll grow tired of me before long.
no subject
Well, I'm flattered. I'd certainly never want anyone to do anything they didn't want to do under what are to be light and jovial circumstances. But maybe especially you.
If you welcome it, that's a different story altogether.
No need to apologize. It's an admirable skill, and I imagine King Smith both appreciates and has made use of it. I should apologize for having nothing else to offer. In fact - I think you should keep it. It may not be so exciting as a first read, but at least you can peruse it when you wish to take your mind off politics and history.
[hawk runs his finger over the ink, uncharacteristic of tim's excellent penmanship. did he stutter when he realized what hawk was referencing? did the pen become his tongue, unable to formulate rational thought for a moment the way hawk sometimes struggles to when he thinks of tim on his arm and dancing at his side like a lady in court?]
Good. I would dread the day you didn't, Timothy.
[the cherry blossom is a welcome surprise, and hawk crushes it to his nose - that one only, because if he closes his eyes he might imagine tim pushing up to pluck it with delicate hands, imagining the softness of his fingertips as he cradled it in his palm.]
It smells divine. But it seems unfair that I would enjoy such a treat without you when you've gone to all the trouble. Tell me what occupies you - how you may be relieved?
I doubt that very much. You have a whole library to get through with me. I'm enjoying every word immensely.
no subject
[ and in hawk's bedroom that night, he will find a very simple note. some words are better left behind locked doors - 1102. and next he comes to pry at tim's journals? they're tucked neatly in a drawer of his desk that has a small, gold padlock on it with turning dials of numbers. ]
I would welcome a dance with you, were you my King and asked of it. But even when you are King, men won't be able to do such things together. It's highly forbidden here, and punishable. Banishment, usually, depending on the gravity of how it is discovered.
But perhaps a dance between Kings and Counselors does not have to be a public one always.
I'll keep the book safe, of course. It's a beautiful gift. I wish there were more like it - maybe it's a terrible admission, but I rather liked it better than politics and histories. It's made it difficult to read anything in our libraries now.
And please, when we are speaking not as Counselor and his Regent-Student - call me Tim? I don't think I've heard much of anyone call me by that in years.
I am often held up in meetings with the King, his council, his men. No doubt you will be among them soon as well, and the times for stolen notes will be behind us. What is it you yearn to do that you cannot while I'm occupied? A walk in the cherry blossoms? That is easily satisfied. Our next lesson will be in the gardens, then.
But you flatter me. Most people find it boring - all the facts, the lessons, the politics, the organization of it all. I'll be here all the same when you are on the throne to help you remember it all.
no subject
[there is a certain thrill to the knowledge that tim probably delivered this letter by hand rather than entrust it to anyone in the castle - which means he was just outside his bedroom door. even moreso when he sees that there is a secret for them to share more than just the journal now - a place for them to speak more freely, even if it is still a risk to put pen to paper.]
You know, I've yet to learn the customary dances of Washington. In fact - I was rather hoping you might assist me with such. So long as you know both parts.
Seems an oversight there is nothing else in the libraries besides politics and histories. Are the arts not so respected here as they may be elsewhere in the land? Perhaps I might suggest it the next time I dine with the King.
Tim. You've asked, and now you shall have it. I like the sound of it on my tongue.
Those I would insist will never be behind us, if you don't mind. There will always be a need for stolen notes - stolen moments, stolen little clarifications. What is a Counselor if not a keeper of secrets? I only hope you'll spare the most room for ours.
It wasn't so much the walk as ensuring you were able to enjoy them as well. A lesson in the garden would more than satisfy both my desires, for I wished to see what you'd look like with a few of the blossoms tangled in your hair.
Good. I could ask for nothing more.
no subject
The arts are respected here, of course. I just think the King before King Smith had less interest in such things. He was a bit of a tyrant, and didn't last long, but he abolished much. I think his majesty is rebuilding trust before stuffing his walls to the brim with books and trinkets.
... you've said my name out loud? I certainly didn't hear if you called me. I was busy making room for whatever secrets it is we must keep, my lord.
[ tim looks at the words for a long moment, runs fingers over the pressed indents where a pen tip rested once some hour or so ago. it gives him a thrill to think they have this little secret, even if it is a dangerous one on so many levels. ]
A lesson in the gardens then. That will be our next. I don't get to sit in them as often as I'd like these days, so it will be a welcome change.
[ and then... a bold change of pace: ]
Tell me, do your eyes look like the ocean in the sun? I'd imagine they do.
no subject
And what if an esteemed guest were to ask for them? To live under the shadow of a tyrant, especially within the walls of the palace seems a shame for all. King Smith should not worry himself about trinkets, but perhaps the future Prince Regent can.
I have. Not to you - not yet, but I've mentioned your name in passing to members of staff. "Counselor Timothy Laughlin is much more enthusiastic in his lessons." "Counselor Timothy Laughlin would wither if he saw such an attempt from us both." You are quite admired, which is hardly a secret.
But I suppose adding myself to that long list would need to be something of a secret. Most especially if we are to meet in the gardens together. We might even take lunch, and then it would feel almost like a courtship, do you agree?
[ah, tim does have a way with words. hawk smiles, eyes twinkling even if he or tim cannot see them do as he's just described.]
Hardly as appealing as the way yours resemble rich honey when they catch the light through high windows. Or maybe I should liken it to quartz - the hues reminding me of the temptation of rich chocolate depths that shift into light amber.
The first time I laid eyes on you in the baths...I was struck by your beauty.
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