homosexuals | [UNI AU]

I'm not telling you their name - I know how you are. It's fine, Hawk. I don't care if they're jealous. They can work harder themselves and not have to worry about it.

I won't work too late. I promise. And you know I want to go with you, right? To the bead and breakfast. It's not that I don't.

I want to look at stars beside you, even if you're not really looking at them.

Then you know I'm not about to do anything. I'd just like to hear it. For reference - that's all.

I know. Relax - it's alright. Work comes first, and it should right now for you. We've got plenty of time to make it out there after. So you just keep your head down, get busy, and I'll start packing.

Good. Then we've both got something to look forward to.

I know I said I don't want to hurt my chances at this job, but the reality is I don't want to disappoint you, either. You work so hard and you've helped me so much - I'm grateful, and I want to go on this trip with you. I promise.

Mary said I can leave by 2. Is that enough time? I'm sorry, I didn't want to push, but I asked. Like you asked me to.

You didn't answer my question, you know.

But you're never going to disappoint me, Tim. I didn't do anything but see what was already there - that's all. Remember that.

2 is fine.

And stop apologizing.

What question?

[ yes, he's playing dumb. he knows what hawk means. ]

But I know. It's not just about work - I mean. Disappointing you when you want to take trips or go on dates. They're just so far away sometimes, and I want to do all of them. I want to do anything with you, I just didn't want you to think I wasn't interested. I am. Trust me.

[ he didn't want hawk to take his disinterest personally, to get mad and push him away, to shut down and not offer dates or other affections.

it's so, so stupid how much he wants that man to love him. or at least act like he does. ]

Sorry, I won't
Do we have to go so far away?
Why does it have to be an hour?
Can we do a bed and breakfast here?
Do you think
What is it about me that
I'm so stupid I'm
Do you remember the summer before
Will you ever love

I know, I know. I will. It's a bad habit. I'll get out of here as soon as I can. Promise!

Where should I meet you?

Timothy Laughlin. Give me a name.

I don't want you thinking I'm disappointed. I promise I'm not - and believe me, I get what the job means to you.

It's time away, and that's a luxury we don't always have. But we can try.

[is hawk dancing around the notion that there would be less time wasted if they stayed close? yes. kind of.]

You can come round my place. Or I can pick you up from yours so you don't have to lug a duffel. Tell me what's better.

Connor Smith. He's one of Mary's aides, but it was just a comment in passing. It's not a big deal, honest.

[ tim knows the limits of one hawkins fuller very well at this point, and he tries not to complain. that they're traveling an hour to sit in a bed and breakfast when they could very much the same close to home? ]

If you pick me up then there's no chance anyone will see me walking to yours. Or I can meet you somewhere else?

I think I can sneak out a little early.

Connor Smith. Next time he gives you lip, you might want to ask him if his Dad's still getting knocks on his door from the IRS. Just friendly concern, of course.

I'll pick you up. Don't want you having to lift a finger to haul a suitcase - do you still think I wouldn't send an Uber?

Just say when. I'll be there.

Hawk. I'm never telling you a name again. I won't say that, and you'd better not, either. I'm serious.

If an uber is easier, that's fine. Honest. But maybe I'd really like it if it could be you driving the car this time? I know I'll still have to uber sometimes, I get it but I thought maybe if it's going to be a special weekend, maybe this can be an exception?

I'd really like it.

Sorry.

I know I shouldn't have asked - you'll offer when you can. When it makes sense, I mean. For work and

Optics.

An uber is fine. Makes more sense than you coming out

Well anyone coming here when we're leaving from there. Or wherever.

I can do that - I'll order one to wherever. The alley behind your building? Soonest it can get be there is 2, if I leave soon.

I don't need to say anything. The circles in DC are worse than a bunch of old ladies playing Bingo on Wednesday nights. It's a fucking miracle he got a job around that much funding in the first place.

Tim. I said I'd be picking you up - me. My car. I'm driving. I want as much time as I can get with you, that's the whole point of this, remember?

Are you alright? All this, seems like something's been on your mind.

I just meant...I wouldn't make you walk all that way if you were coming out here. Least I could do, yeah?

Take your time. I'll be there at 1:30.

No, no I’m fine. I’m distracted with work and it’s been a weird day. Trying to hurry up and finish so I can get home in time.

We haven’t had a weekend together in a long time. Especially with Lucy lately.

I really want to be there with you, that’s all. I want to do everything by the book so we can leave and be together as fast as we can. I want to see you smile when you pull up. Don’t want to give you a reason not to. Just crossing my Ts and dotting my Is.

I’m excited, Hawk. Honest. The rest doesn’t matter. Not when I get to see you soon - and for a whole weekend.

I’d walk there and back for it, if that’s what you wanted. Just for the time with you.

Edited 2024-04-03 08:27 (UTC)

[fuck. there it is - the "l" word.]

We haven't. And I'm sorry for that - but look, you know this won't be forever right? I hate doing it. To you, christ, even to her - sometimes it doesn't feel worth it.

But this weekend is all about us. Going somewhere that no one knows or cares what our names are, what we do for a living, or why we're only checking into a room with a single bed.

I never want you to have to do any of that. It kills me sometimes, but it's necessary. Just have to keep reminding ourselves it's temporary.

And some day - we won't have to do a goddamn thing by the books. Fuck wherever we want, hold hands when we feel like it, go to dinner anywhere in DC.

[ temporary. it's temporary. that's what he tells himself over and over, but none of it feels temporary anymore. ]

I know you do - I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. I know all of this is temporary. It's worth it if you get your tenure, I suppose. If that's what it takes.

But we have the weekend to do all of those things - fuck where we want, hold hands, go to dinner. No one will know the difference there. I'd do whatever you asked me to do if it meant time together, that's all.

That's all I want.

[ but tim sits at his desk with his phone and finds himself crying, strangely. he's thankful for the cubicle walls that hide him from the office. ]

Well. Anyway.

It's all temporary. I know that. I promise.

Means I don't have to look over my shoulder when the Craigs of the world show up unannounced at your office. Means I get you to myself without worrying it's gonna fuck up our careers.

That's what I want too, Skippy. I promise you.

[hawk assumes he's fine - that he understands the way this has to work. that it isn't upsetting because they're both communicating and honest about what's real here.]

Can't wait to see you. It's gonna be good - maybe not as good as graduation, but pretty damn close.

I want that for you - that peace of mind. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. I hope you know that.

[ but what is a life of hiding behind smoke and mirrors if the better part of the last year has been nothing but hiding? the creeping sensation that none of this is actually temporary has taken root in his bones.

at least he's prepared for it - for when it becomes reality. ]

I'm excited to see you. I've missed you, Hawk. Every day I get with you is better than graduation, you know that, right?

Know what could top it? Take me dancing. Nothing crazy, just - I don't know. You like jazz music. Maybe a bar like that? Somewhere dark, but the music's slow.

One day, anyway. It doesn't have to be this weekend. Just one day. I might have two left feet, though.

I know. And I appreciate it, Skip, really.

Missed you too. It's been a long week - but being with you always makes up for it. Graduation wasn't even the start, was it?

Dancing, huh? I'll think about it. See if I can find a place or two for us. I've only got one left foot, but then that's three - something we gotta watch out for. Or maybe I'll get you liquored up so I can whisper sweet nothings in your ear while we sway slow.

Sounds nice. It'll be soon either way.

Graduation wasn't even the start, no. I'd say all that Italian was. It was pretty romantic. Hard to top that.

[ and it had branded hawkins fuller to his heart in a mere instant. ]

You know you don't have to get me liquored up to sway slow with you. We can dance anywhere and I'd be happy. The kitchen. The living room. The bathroom, if you really want. It just sounds nice.

So yeah, soon. I'll see you soon.

[UNI AU]

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