homosexuals: (pic#16916598)
𝚑𝚊𝚠𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚜 "𝚑𝚊𝚠𝚔" 𝚣. 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 ([personal profile] homosexuals) wrote2024-06-10 01:32 pm

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hymen: (118)

🔒 (forgot to say this whole thread is private except alicent piously spying irl)

[personal profile] hymen 2024-08-08 11:26 pm (UTC)(link)
[ he's thought about it. barreling into the hallway just to see what might happen, because death has rarely felt real until he's already down for the count and ash is cursing and dragging him back toward the land of the living by the force of his iron will and the sheer magnitude of his fury that embry would ever try to leave him in such a horrific way.

the fire in the halls doesn't feel nearly as real as the hurt pounding through his chest.
]

it doesn't sound like bullshit. i wasn't scared, either.
not until later. when everything started to feel fuzzy and hurt.


[ that's sobering. it reminds him of dag dying in his arms, embry trying futilely again and again to make the call to his sister with no service in a warzone, because dag was asking on his last, sputtering breaths. he would have done anything, including collecting skin or hair or bones to bury just so he could be buried. his gin comes back up as acid bile, and he spends a long moment catching his breath. ]

same fight. i got angry and did something stupid, according to ash. got shot twice.
sources say i would have died if he hadn't carried me out into the woods and watched over me until sunup. he stole supplies off some dead carpathian soldiers, patched me up, and pumped me full of morphine to help me make it through the night.
three months of rehab and now i'm good as new.
do you want to know a secret?

stop doing that. you don't have to butter me up just because you think i'm sad over you dumping me.
Edited (i hit post too soon oop) 2024-08-08 23:28 (UTC)
hymen: (165)

[personal profile] hymen 2024-08-11 12:58 am (UTC)(link)
i needed the rehab to help me walk again. the bullet tore through my calf.
my head was fine.


[ was it ever fine? sources unknown. ]

you don't want me to whisper this secret in your ear.
do you remember how you fucked me in the baths after the wolf attack? i was bleeding. damn near delirious, but i didn't tell you that. you weren't in the best of shape, either.
i liked it. loved it.
that's what happened in the woods that night. ash fucked me with two bulletholes in my body, as punishment for my reckless actions. or something. that's only part of the secret. the rest is that i wanted it. i wanted it exactly like that, while i was high off morphine and bleeding and halfway delirious. that was my first time with him, after years of trying to convince myself i didn't want him.
exactly the same as what you did to me.

that's why we worked. because maybe you didn't understand what i needed until right now, but you were still willing to give it to me.
and i understood you. i didn't need commitment or coming out or any of that from you. i needed you to be exactly what you are.
i just wanted someone else who wasn't pretending to be a good man.

tell me to stop.
hymen: (177)

[personal profile] hymen 2024-08-16 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
everything you're saying is exactly why i want you. everything about you.
you fill a need. it's not some fairy tale bullshit i'm chasing. i need this. i need you.


[ the pathetically disgusting reality of that hits him like a slap in the face. there's nothing that could ever shake his love for ash, nor diminish his feelings for greer. but hawk is his solace behind doors that will remain permanently closed, and there's a certain relief in knowing that. there's comfort in the knowledge that he can never disappoint hawk on a monumental scale the way he does ash, because there's no love between them. there's something else of a different sort of complexity that he finds just as important, just as necessary. hawk is the absence of expectation when embry feels like he's suffocating from his secrets, when looking ash dead in the eye physically hurts.

and yet — his bitterness is a living thing, souring his thoughts. at the end of the day, he doesn't need anyone, not ash and not greer and certainly not hawk.
]

but you don't get to close the door in my face and then order me around. i'm not asking you for shit. do i look like the kind of person that needs to come crawling on their hands and knees for a fuck?

[ no matter how much he might enjoy that sort of thing. ]

i'm willing to do what needs to be done. consequences be damned. forget about the pieces on the floor when it's said and done.
i accept everything about you. don't change at all. go do what you said you were gonna do.
it wasn't with me.