homosexuals | [SALTBURNT INBOX]

can i talk to you about something? not a good something. unrelated to this place, too. but this place is so quiet sometimes and i'm gonna lose my mind keeping it in my head.

Any time, doll.

What's going on? Don't worry about being quiet and demure, you let it all out, okay?

( he's so good at knowing the right thing to say. )

a year ago back home. i killed someone. it was self-defense. i'd fucking do it again, too. but this place gets too quiet. hollywood drowned everything out. here it's all inside my head.

[murder. that's a new one. well - maybe not that new. isn't mccarthy responsible for every suicide m-unit hand delivers? aren't there secrets worth killing for? hadn't hawk seen men blown to bits - friends, countrymen, enemies alike, all for some higher purpose? he'd killed more than one man in his time, even if he doesn't like to think back on it. self-defense sounds goddamn angelic in comparison. ]

Listen to me.

You did what you had to do to survive, okay? Now, if you wanna tell me about it, I'm all ears, but that's the bottom line no matter what.

[now that they're operating on that baseline:]

When I got out of the army - my head was all fucked up. A friend of mine stuck me in a cabin up in Delaware until I managed to get my shit together and come out on top.

I'm not going to lie and say it'll be easy, but there's ways around it. The quiet is too loud now, but long enough and with the right guidance, you can get used to it. Welcome it, even.

( it's a story as old as time. war and the hell it brings innocent people. innocent people like hawk. jackson.

fuck. )

i think i'm gonna need help here.

( it's a long moment of collecting her thoughts. typing and retyping things. trying to get it all right in her head. )

my boyfriend wanted to get into the film business. we were gonna make a porn movie, but it was gonna have a story and be artistic. ( sounds fucking stupid in hindsight. )

he got this old couple in the middle of fucking nowhere to rent us out their barn and guest house. we didn't tell them what we was up to, of course. but we all went out there. me, wayne, bobbie-lynne, jackson, lorraine, and rj. jackson was military, too. marine i think. the couple - howard and pearl. they were so old. they were weird but they were old. harmless, right? they killed them. all my friends. they're all dead because two people who could barely get it up to fuck got jealous of us or lots their shit or got off on killing us or whatever other fucking bullshit was going through their crazy ass mother fucking minds that made them do it.

Edited 2024-09-01 23:51 (UTC)

[christ. what a fucking hellhole and a half. hawk waits for the dots to stop wiggling, for the last of maxine's tale of misery. maybe it's not nazis and nicolas from nice getting blown to shit without enough left to even bring home to his new widow, but death is bad enough when it's not active annihilation. the coke, the erratic messages - it makes sense now that she's being haunted by everything she lost. he's no senator smith, but he can try and help in his own way.]

Whatever you need - you just say the word. I'm there.

I get it with the Taj Mahal now. Shit, I can't count how much whiskey I went through up in Delaware.

But you came out on the other side. That couple - they got what they deserved after their sick, twisted bullshit and games. Bet they weren't expecting it from a pretty little thing like you - but you're a fighter, Maxine.

Jackson, Bobbie-Lynne - think about what they'd want now. You think they'd want to see you stop and fall apart in this shitshow?

I'll bet my last dollar they'd want you to keep going. It's never going to stop feeling like surviving, but you've got to let in room to thrive too.

Now, the noise though, that's the first part. You like jazz? Anything else?

( she sits quietly. waiting.

he's not wrong about bobbie-lynne. jackson. wayne. she didn't know lorraine or rj that well to know what they'd think, but the others. jackson was a marine. he fought for them. and bobbie-lynne and wayne enjoyed life so much. they'd not want to see maxine wasting hers.

but that shits easier said than done. it's not just the loss of them. pearl is always there. haunting her. chasing her. she wakes up still feeling that woman's thin, bony fingers over her arm-

back to hawk's messages. )

hawk, i've never listened to jazz a day in my fucking life. ( it's said with no small amount of humor. she understands where the question comes from, but still. jazz. )

i like music. rock's always good. but i love movies. gonna be in movies some day. ( of course there's also the partying and the drugs. )

Well now's as good a time as any to start. Come to the piano bar with me one of these nights. Beats sitting alone in the quiet or the dark. Can smoke in there and everything.

They take requests - bet you could fit in some rock. And if not...

[an acquaintance, he'd normally say, but it feels like he should share something personal too in light of all this.]

Friend of mine - he got this nifty little thing, plays a bunch of different songs. We listened to a few together. You ever heard of Bonnie Tyler?

Yeah, I'll bet you will. Plenty of time to sit and watch whatever everyone else got right and wrong while we're here, though.

[SALTBURNT INBOX]

text ; @maxxxine

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