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— death interlude.

[hymen]

hawk.

i know what you're gonna think once you start reading this: that i'm a coward for saying all this when you're not around to give me shit for it. and you know what? i am. because if you were here, i wouldn't be able to go through with this. i'd take one look at you and i'd crumble. all my words would wither up and i'd go back to every single night with you and want a hundred more.

but the thing is, i can't. it was fucked up that you never told me you were with tim when we first met, but it was more fucked up that i never stopped even after i found out. i don't deserve tim's forgiveness, so i haven't asked for it. i don't intend to. but i can't see you again. i can't want you. i can't kiss you and i can't fuck you and i can't go back to any of those nights we had together and wish we had a hundred more.

it doesn't matter what i feel for you, and it sure as hell doesn't matter what you think you feel for me, but stay away from danny when you come back. stay away from me. you have someone who really loves you that's waiting, and i'm telling you this because i know. you haven't said no to the best thing that's ever happened to you yet. you haven't ruined everything yet. so don't come back and ruin it.

— embry